Inter-dimensional baron MacKinnon Squall installed Brennan Drizzle as the Soulbound Express efficiency auditor following a standard probe into chronic afterlife transit failures. The move follows last week’s derailment that absorbed 4,200 souls into the ether, meeting baronial quotas while incidentally polishing the ash-cloud views for those still waiting.
Drizzle, once tasked with dissecting bureaucratic snags, now champions the barons' three-solstice realignment targets. "Focus on optimizing the losses rather than questioning them," he stated, sounding like someone who has watched too many eternal check-in lines.
His first orders push throughput on every brass terrace facing magnetic north, stretching checkpoint waits even longer. Riders who once dreaded endless limbo now collect efficiency credits for each holdup, redeemable for assorted non-ghostly perks.
Baronial adjustments to the cosmic ledger may swell those same credits, offering a thin silver lining inside the administrative fog. Soul-bound travelers weigh whether the new perks offset the time and occasional lost companions along the route to rest.
