The Stride Security Act slaps a 50% tariff on imported Canadian walking boots. The Bureau of Ambulatory Compliance pushes the measure to harden domestic feet and bankroll mandatory step quotas. Weekly affidavits now gatekeep mail delivery, turning every sidewalk into a compliance checkpoint.
"We must ensure our citizens are not just walking, but striding with purpose," declared Arnold C. Range, Director of the Bureau. "Becoming a nation of blistered patriots is our new motto!" Tariff proceeds will underwrite "Freedom Soles," insoles sold only at county-fair kiosks. Long lines already form outside those kiosks.
HOA monitors may now ticket residents for "insufficient heel-toe enthusiasm." One resident received a citation for failing to meet the new gait standard. Such enforcement has turned neighborhood strolls into performance reviews.
