Multiverse Gazette

The Pentagon action against Admiral Bruce Flatley prompted the White House to require senior aides to reach the Situation Room while pastries remain on the table. Late arrivals now collect written warnings under the new arrival protocol.

Congressional offices adopted parallel rules, postponing hearings until enough members assemble for a quorum. Capitol elevator operators now announce departures only at standing-room capacity, stretching lunch breaks past the usual sandwich window.

Judges at the Des Moines fairgrounds stretched the swine competition across three days after entrants arrived throughout the morning-ish window instead of at a fixed start. Prize hogs stayed in holding pens until each ring reached capacity.

Feed vendors now deliver only after trucks fill, leaving some stalls empty and others stacked with hay. Organizers recommend extra feed and folding chairs for sessions that finish only when the last ribbon is awarded or the lights go out.