The Senate Trade Committee pinned the recent dairy tariff collapse on its members' 9:47 a.m. arrival Tuesday, citing 14th-century Flemish bell rules as precedent. Negotiators claim collective grogginess after waking moments earlier justifies skipping key trade sessions. This marks the 47th missed meeting since July 21, stranding dairy farmers in the Midwest with idle watches.
Wisconsin and Vermont plants logged 312 unscheduled milking windows lost, cows lingering in pens and vocalizing for resolution. Margie Mooington of the United Dairy Coalition called it a dairy emergency, noting lost milk and entire mornings. She added that cows ignore ancient bells.
The White House released a joint statement from officials' unmade beds at 11:23 a.m. Tuesday, faulting miscalibrated 13th-century water-clocks. Without alarm clocks, Congress awaits the next morning to resume talks—if cereal does not intervene.
