Silver Spring police logs now overflow with reports of unidentified crunchy matter suspended in household milk. One caller described flakes that emitted a distinct snap-crackle before disappearing into last night's lasagna. The episode has revived demands to restore the defunded National Morning Meal Standards Board.
The DMV responded by barring transport of grain-based morning products until further notice. Dairy drivers already squeezed by milk rationing between coffee shops and households now want federal escorts. Gary Moosetail, mid-shift, yelled, "What’s next? Cereal in espresso?"
Former board deputy Lucille Crumble warned that even one verified cereal sighting could fracture the reheated meatloaf supply chain by next quarter. Silver Spring therefore faces another round of reheated dinners while monitoring every glass for rogue particles.
