Ten midtown office workers landed in hospital beds after the National Lunch Safety Board's hover-and-eat drone exhibition went sideways on a roped-off highway median. Forty-seven drones were meant to ferry plated meals; instead they scattered ceramic and citations for 'unauthorized plate tilt during descent.'
NLSB spokesperson Harold Crumb hailed the fresh fourteen-page filing mandate as a 'triumph of plate security,' noting it would tack forty-seven minutes onto every lunch hour. 'We are now one step closer to assured plate safety,' he said. 'Office drones will become an emblematic part of midweek dining.'
Federal agencies are already treating the daily malfunctions as fresh territory for regulatory growth. Office manager Judith Pansky put it plainly: 'If we cannot trust plates to descend properly, what hope remains for workplace satisfaction?'
Citizens still ferry plate-laden lunches through the commute, unaware that the sandwich shortage has quietly become a plate crisis.
