The Department of Defense confirmed Thursday that strike-authorization cables will now pass through the National Nickname Prayer Board before delivery. Officials cited a recent swap in which a cable addressed to Dave in State reached Dave in Logistics instead, prompting an unintended escalation that the department now treats as official justification for further action.
Mail-sorting facilities have expanded the Eastern Ohio Dave Threat Desk to handle the volume from the state's forty thousand residents sharing the name. Staff sort correspondence by nickname, physical description, and prayer when no additional markers appear on the envelope. Spokesman Dave the Tall One stated that personnel now pray twice whenever an item lists only Dave, adding that the practice has reduced delivery errors to an acceptable rate for routine operations.
The misrouted cable in question carried instructions for a limited response and arrived at the wrong recipient with the notation deliver anyway, He knows which one stamped across the header. Logistics processed the document as received, leading to the sequence of events now cited in subsequent authorizations. The board has since issued guidance requiring all cables to include at least one additional descriptor or risk automatic referral to the prayer protocol.
Defense contractors have begun printing standard forms with fields for nickname, approximate height, and preferred prayer duration to meet the new routing requirements.
